*sounds from a sporting event playing on television* Yes! Wooo! *laughs* Daughter: Dad?
DAD: Daughter. Daughter: I’ve decided!
DAD: Did you? Daughter: I did.
DAD: About what? Daughter: College. I’m going to an Ivy.
DAD:An Ivy! *under his breath* …There goes the second honeymoon.
Daughter: What? DAD: What? I said, there goes a…squirrel
with a balloon. DAD: An Ivy…I’m proud of you! Which one? Harvard?
Daughter: Maybe. DAD: Princeton?
Daughter: Maybe. DAD: Miami University in Ohio?
Daughter: Miami? Miami isn’t an Ivy. DAD: Au contraire. It’s a Public Ivy.
Daughter: That’s a thing? DAD: It’s a thing.
Daughter: What’s the difference? DAD: Ivies are amazing, prestigious, academically
challenging and private. Daughter: Precisely.
DAD: Public Ivies are amazing, prestigious, academically challenging and public.
Daughter: So they’re the same. DAD: Seriously similar…except…
Daughter: Except? DAD: Public Ivies, don’t cost as much.
Daughter: How much not as much? DAD: Not as much not as much.
Daughter: I see. DAD: Speaking of seeing things, your mom and
I were thinking about taking a trip. A second honeymoon.
Daughter: Really? That’s great. DAD: A nice long one. We haven’t been on vacation since…how old are you? Daugher: 17.
DAD: …18 years. Daughter: So…what are you saying?
DAD: I’m saying you can go wherever you want, honey.
Daughter: You’re the best. DAD: But if you choose a Public Ivy, you’ll
get a powerful Ivy-style education and your mom and I can afford to take a vacation…that
we deserve… for raising such a thoughtful… amazing… intelligent… daughter. Daughter: I’ll go find out about Public
Ivies. DAD: That’s my girl. DAD: Proud of you. Oh… yes! Yes! Woo hoo! *while chewing a mouthful of popcorn* That’s right!