Substitute Teacher Pt. 2 – Key & Peele


JAY-KWELIN.
– HERE. – YOU ARE PRESENT?
BA-LAKAY. – UH, HERE.
– UH-HUH. DE-NICE.
– HERE. – GOOD. JE-SEEKA. THANK YOU. – MR. GARVEY? – WHAT IS IT, A-ARON? – SOME OF US NEED TO LEAVE
A FEW MINUTES EARLY TODAY. – OH. OH, IS THAT SO?
– MM-HMM. – AND WHAT, PRAY TELL… IS THE REASON FOR
THIS PREMATURE EXODUS? – YEARBOOK PHOTOS. UM, WE HAVE TO LEAVE
15 MINUTES EARLY TO MEET UP WITH OUR CLUBS. – [chuckles]
OKAY. ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT MIGHT WORK
WITH OTHER SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS, BUT I TAUGHT
IN THE INNER CITY FOR OVER 20 YEARS. NOW, Y’ALL WANNA
LEAVE MY CLASS EARLY SO Y’ALL CAN GO MEET UP
AT “THE CLUB.” AIN’T NONE OF Y’ALL
OLD ENOUGH TO GO TO THE DAMN CLUB! RIDICULOUS. – MR. GARVEY?
– DUMB SON OF A BITCH! DID I
ST-ST-ST-ST-ST-STUTTER? – JUST THEN, YES. – I’M GONNA THROW YOU OUT
THE GODDAMN WINDOW! WHAT, JAY-KWELIN? – MR. GARVEY, WE’RE–
WE’RE TELLING THE TRUTH. WE–WE HAVE CLUBS
AT THE SCHOOL. WE HAVE CLUBS
FOR SPECIAL INTERESTS. – OKAY, I SEE.
SO Y’ALL WANNA PLAY. Y’ALL WANNA PLAY. YEAH, OKAY,
WE GONNA PLAY LITTLE GAMES. FINE. I’LL PLAY. I’M MORE THAN HAPPY TO PLAY
SOME GAMES WITH Y’ALL. ANYONE WHO’S IN A CLUB…
STAND YOUR ASS UP. UH-HUH. OH, YEAH,
THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS. THE USUAL SUSPECTS. WHAT THE HELL CLUB
ARE YOU IN, JAY-KWELIN? – FUTURE LEADERS
OF AMERICA. – OKAY, OKAY. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW
IF YOU’RE GONNA BE A LEADER IN THE FUTURE? IS THERE A STARGATE
IN YOUR BEDROOM? CAN YOU TRAVEL THROUGH TIME,
JAY-KWELIN? – NO.
– THEN SIT THE FLIP DOWN! BA-LAKAY, I–
HERE’S THE THING. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY
I’M ABOUT TO ASK YOU THIS. B-LAKAY,
WHAT CLUB ARE YOU IN? – UM, PART OF THE SPANISH CLUB. – SPAN–THE SP–
YOU ABOUT AS SPANISH AS REE-ON SEACREST, WITH YOUR BIG-ASS
FRAGGLE ROCK HAIR! HOW ‘BOUT YOU, DE-NICE? – I’M IN THE CHESS CLUB. – UH, I’M SORRY, SWEETHEART, YOU ARE NOT
IN THE CHEST CLUB. THE “MOSQUITO BITE CLUB,”
MAYBE. – AH, THAT’S HURTFUL.
– TRUTHFUL. THERE HE IS. A-ARON…
– HEY. – WHAT CLUB ARE YOU IN? – I’M THE PRESIDENT
OF THE GLEE CLUB. WHY DID I TALK? – THE GLEE CLUB?
AAH! LIKE THEY GONNA HAVE
A CLUB DEDICATED TO A TV SHOW! TAKE YOUR ASS TO
O-SHAG-HANNESSEY’S OFFICE RIGHT NOW,
BEFORE I BUST A CLUB UP IN YOUR BUTT!
– OKAY. – GO!
– [crying] OKAY, I’M GONNA GO. – MISCHIEVOUS
AND DECEITFUL! CHICANEROUS
AND DEPLORABLE. – THIS IS PRINCIPAL
O’SHAUGHNESSY. STUDENTS, PLEASE REPORT
TO THE GYMNASIUM FOR YOUR CLUB PHOTOS.
– FAKE ANNOUNCEMENT. NOW, DOES ANYBODY IN HERE
HAVE A VALID REASON FOR LEAVING THIS CLASSROOM?
T-MOTHY. – I GOTTA PICK UP MY DAUGHTER.
– YOU’RE EXCUSED.

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